A Secret Surrender Read online

“Do you want me to come along?”

  “No, I’ll see him after I go to church, and I don’t want you coming with me to St. Dunstan-in-the-West either.”

  “I understand you not wanting to endanger me,” Beatrix said softly, “but I want to help.” She put her hand on Selina’s. “We’re family, and I’m as committed to avenging your brother’s death as you are.”

  So far, Selina hadn’t been able to find the Vicar. She’d gone to the church the other day—in disguise in case Sheffield had been around—and requested a meeting, only to be told he wasn’t available and that she shouldn’t return. Of course she would return and planned to do so tomorrow to attend church. During the service, she would endeavor to search the building. At the very least, she hoped to encounter someone who could help her find the Vicar, if not at the church, then somewhere else.

  “I appreciate that, truly.” Selina smiled, and Beatrix withdrew her hand. “I promise I will ask for your help when I think it’s necessary.”

  “I hope so,” Beatrix said. “Sometimes I think you hold yourself back even from me.”

  The coach turned onto Queen Anne Street and drew to a stop in front of their small house. Selina stared at the façade, wondering if she’d ever think of any place as home again.

  Home was the small pair of rooms she’d inhabited with Rafe and their “uncle,” who, like Beatrix, hadn’t been a relative at all. Dingy and spartan, the space had seemed extravagant compared to the homes of some of the other children Selina had known. At least they hadn’t been forced to take up residence in a flash house—or worse.

  One would think those memories would have long faded from Selina’s mind. But they were indelibly imprinted on her, as were the trying years at the boarding school and, even more so, the disastrous year that had followed.

  Selina twitched as Beatrix departed the vehicle, and was glad she hadn’t seen. Beatrix was too adept at seeing the darkness that resided deep inside Selina, even if she rarely said anything, as she had a few moments ago.

  Yes, she held herself back—even from Beatrix. She was in too many pieces, had been too many people. In some ways, she wasn’t even entirely sure who she truly was. Perhaps more troubling, she had no idea who she wanted to be.

  * * *

  “What do you wish to know today, Lady Aylesbury?” Selina asked from behind her veil. It was a bit odd seeing Mr. Sheffield’s mother in this context after having been a guest at her house the other night, but Selina didn’t worry the countess would discern her identity. Between the heavy veil and the French accent, Selina was confident in her disguise.

  Lady Aylesbury leaned slightly over the small round table, her tawny gaze that was nearly identical to her sons’ dipping to the cards sitting in front of Selina. “As I am a bit rushed today, I have just two questions. First, I would like to know about my son.”

  “Which one?” Selina asked serenely. Now that she’d met both of them, she pictured them in her mind.

  “Harry, my younger son.”

  “How do you tell them apart?” Selina wanted to know if there was a secret to it or if she’d missed something obvious. She supposed Mr. Sheffield was slightly larger across the shoulders.

  Realizing her question had no bearing on their meeting and could arouse suspicion despite the fact that Lady Aylesbury had told her they were twins, Selina sought to explain. “Since you told me they are twins, I’ve been curious.”

  “Mostly by their demeanor. Harry is more serious. Northwood seems to always have a twinkle in his eye. Which isn’t to say that Harry isn’t capable of humor—or mischief. He was always the one I had to look out for when they were children.” She laughed briefly, then pursed her lips. “I worry he’s too serious. About his work. Although, I wonder if something hasn’t finally distracted him. Rather, someone.” The countess smiled and waggled her light red brows.

  “You wish to ask about someone?” Selina asked, reaching for the cards.

  Lady Aylesbury nodded. “My daughters suspect he may be interested in a woman who is new to town—Lady Gresham. I’d like to know if they will form an attachment and if that might proceed to courtship.”

  Bloody hell. Selina had been reading tarot cards for seven years and, she thought, had become rather good at it. But she never, ever read them for herself. Because in the end, she didn’t believe any of this was actually true. And if she did, she wouldn’t want to know her future. Sometimes, she wished she didn’t know her past.

  “You said you didn’t have much time, so I’ll do this more quickly than usual, with just three cards, if that’s acceptable?” Selina had already shuffled the cards when Lady Aylesbury arrived.

  “Yes, I do appreciate it.”

  Selina turned over the top card. The hair on her arms prickled, and she had a sudden urge to set the card on fire. “The Two of Cups.”

  “That looks like two people in love—perhaps toasting their nuptials!” Lady Aylesbury’s glee lit the small room.

  This card did, in fact, look like that, and because Lady Aylesbury was asking about a romantic relationship, it would typically mean exactly that. Which was why Selina wished it would spontaneously combust. Since that wasn’t possible, she fibbed. “Because this card was drawn first, it tends to mean a partnership or alignment. Love could be present, but not necessarily.” While Selina always tried to tell her clients what they wanted to hear, she did not want to encourage the countess to push her and Mr. Sheffield together. Ironically, the card as she read it was still accurate, since she and Mr. Sheffield did have a partnership.

  Lady Aylesbury pursed her lips. “Go on.”

  Selina turned over the next card and felt a bit of relief. “The Ten of Wands. This is almost certainly about your son as it signifies a great burden or someone who is working too hard.”

  “That is definitely Harry. Could it also be Lady Gresham?”

  Yes, it most certainly could. Selina’s relief evaporated. She didn’t like these cards today. They were far too accurate. “It could mean both of them, but we know it relates to your son, so let’s assume it is him.”

  “That makes sense. Lady Gresham is focused on launching her sister in Society. Perhaps that is a burden to her since she is new to town. I shall endeavor to help her. My daughters quite liked her sister and are keen to provide assistance. They are trying to get her a voucher to Almack’s. Perhaps you should read that next.” Lady Aylesbury waved her hand. “No, no, I’m getting distracted, as I am wont to do.” She laughed. “Please, continue.”

  Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all, if it meant the countess would help Beatrix in her quest to become the most popular young lady in town. Selina took a deep breath and turned over the third and final card.

  The Tower.

  She liked this card least of all as it likely pertained to her. Rather the woman, Lady Gresham, that Lady Aylesbury was inquiring about with regard to her son. It could mean many things—change, disruption, conflict, but inescapably, it represented a threat. Withdrawing her shaking hands from the table to her lap, Selina reminded herself that she didn’t believe any of this.

  “Well, that’s a rather distressing-looking card,” Lady Aylesbury said, frowning down at the figures who were falling from a flaming tower. “I was hoping for the Lovers.”

  Selina might have laughed if the Tower hadn’t so unsettled her. The fire reminded her of the fire that had killed her brother. Was her life to come to an end soon too? She hadn’t felt physically threatened in a very long time—not since after she’d left Mrs. Goodwin’s seminary and taken that awful position as governess.

  After that, she’d gone to great lengths to ensure that she and Beatrix would always be safe from harm. Nothing had changed on that front. She forced herself to take another, deeper breath.

  No matter the cards she drew, Selina always strove to weave a story that would please her client. If she didn’t, they wouldn’t return, nor would they encourage their friends to come. She thought of what she could say about the Tower relative
to Lady Aylesbury’s question. “This could very well represent the change to both your son’s and Lady Gresham’s lives should they come together.”

  “Can you draw just one more?” Lady Aylesbury asked, her voice rife with concern. She put a great deal of trust in these pieces of paper.

  “Yes, let’s.” Selina often did this when the final card drawn wasn’t satisfactory. It made no difference to her, but today it did. She liked that Tower card even less than Lady Aylesbury did.

  Dread mixed with anticipation as she turned over a fourth card.

  The Star.

  Lady Aylesbury smiled broadly. “That looks promising!”

  “Illumination, hope, renewal. This card could signal a beginning for them.” Selina forced the words out while her heart beat heavy in her chest. She knew this card was for her—except she didn’t believe in this!

  Maybe she wanted to believe it this time. The possibility of hope and light, for an unburdened future, was a heady thought. And one Selina oughtn’t indulge in.

  She swept up the cards. “What is your second question?”

  Lady Aylesbury’s gaze had settled on the wall behind Selina, and now she startled. Blinking, she refocused on Selina. “Oh yes, just a moment. So, it seems there is some sort of association between Harry and Lady Gresham, and perhaps the change of the Tower means Harry will stop working so hard—as seen in the Ten of Wands. Because he and Lady Gresham will start a new life together.” The countess looked at Selina in question. She typically provided a summation of the reading for the client, but in her distress she hadn’t. Thankfully, Lady Aylesbury had done a better job than Selina probably could have.

  “I think that’s exactly right.” She smiled even though Lady Aylesbury couldn’t see her do so. “Would you like to ask another question?” Selina rather hoped she didn’t, but shuffled the cards anyway.

  “Yes, please. I’ve lost my emerald necklace, which my husband just gave me for my birthday last month. I haven’t told him because he’ll be upset. Can you help me find it?”

  Selina set the cards down on the table. “This is not something I usually do. It’s very difficult to see something so precise as to where an object may be. When did you lose it?”

  “I’m not sure, but I couldn’t find it yesterday. I tore my entire dressing room apart.” She grimaced. “And I’m certain it was there Saturday, because I considered wearing it at our soiree but chose pearls instead.”

  Suspicion curled through Selina. She might be wrong, but she was probably right, and if so, she knew precisely where Lady Aylesbury’s necklace was. Unless Beatrix had already fenced it.

  “Perhaps you could just tell me if I’ll find it?” Lady Aylesbury asked hopefully.

  “I can try. I’m going to lay down three cards at once.”

  Three of Wands. The Sun. The Nine of Cups.

  The first card—the Three of Wands—was reversed, which signified patience and a wish fulfilled. Since Selina planned to ensure the necklace was returned, this was another alarmingly accurate card. The Nine of Cups was also a wish fulfillment card, and it carried the added “bonus” of indicating the wish might include a man, since the image was of a wealthy gentleman. Selina was strongly considering retiring this deck of cards.

  “All these cards point toward success.” She didn’t even have to lie. “You will find your necklace, but the Three of Wands urges patience.”

  “Wonderful!” Lady Aylesbury leaned back in her chair in relief. Then she reached for her reticule and withdrew several notes.

  Selina was surprised to see so much money. “That is too much,” she said, picking up the cards.

  “I was hoping you would take the extra and donate it to your friend’s home for wayward children. Lady Balcombe and I agree it’s an excellent cause.”

  Selina set the cards to the side of the table. She’d decided not to discuss her “charity” with Lady Aylesbury given that she was Mr. Sheffield’s mother. It was too risky. But since Lady Balcombe had told her and the countess was bringing it up, Selina couldn’t avoid telling her about it.

  “Friends of mine started taking in wayward children—they haven’t been blessed with children of their own—and the number has grown more than they can support without assistance. They do their best to provide a safe place for the children, but it’s a very costly endeavor. I give what I can, and when my clients ask where they might help, I sometimes mention their home.”

  “I would be honored to provide assistance. Please give them the money, will you?”

  Selina inclined her head. “I will. They will be most grateful.”

  Lady Aylesbury stood from the table. “Thank you so much for your insight and expertise. I look forward to our next meeting. May I return at the same time next week?”

  Selina nodded. “Yes. Thank you, Lady Aylesbury.” She rose, clasping her gloved hands together as Lady Aylesbury turned and took her leave.

  The money lay on the table like a nauseating plate of liver when Selina had been young. She didn’t want it, but was too hungry to decline it. Taking money from Sheffield’s mother felt wrong. Because Selina had met her socially, and she and her daughters had been unbearably kind to her and, more importantly, to Beatrix.

  Yes, unbearably. Kindness was not something Selina was used to, and it never failed to make her feel unsettled. Still, money was money, and Selina had learned long ago that, like the liver, you took it when you could and harbored no regrets.

  Finished with Madame Sybila’s appointments, Selina removed her veil and changed her clothing, carefully stowing her fortune-teller costume back in the closet. When she emerged from the small room, Mrs. Kinnon was just coming through the curtain from the shop.

  “I presumed you were about to leave,” she said. “Mr. Sheffield has been across the street the past quarter hour or so.”

  “Since before Lady Aylesbury left?”

  “Yes, though watching him try to hide himself behind a street lamp as she departed was rather comical.”

  Selina wished she could have seen it. “I suppose I must wait awhile longer before leaving, then.” She wanted him to think she’d been here waiting to see Madame Sybila after his mother. But then she’d have to say she hadn’t seen his mother… She looked to Mrs. Kinnon. “I’m going to need a package of something—an excuse for not seeing Lady Aylesbury as she left. I was too busy making a purchase.”

  “Yes, of course. I’ll wrap something up for you.” She went back into the shop, leaving Selina lingering in the corridor.

  Selina had told her about assisting Mr. Sheffield with his investigation. Mrs. Kinnon was an enormous help, and Selina simply couldn’t manage the size and scope of her enterprise here in London without the woman’s help.

  A few minutes later, Mrs. Kinnon returned with a wrapped package. “Orange and honeysuckle soap. It will suit you well.”

  Selina had never indulged in the luxury of extravagantly scented soap. “Thank you.”

  “Luther stopped by earlier,” Mrs. Kinnon said with a smile. She, of course, knew him from when they were children. “He said you finally visited him yesterday.”

  “It was good to see him after so long.” He’d been thrilled that she’d visited. In fact, his enveloping embrace had gone on a bit too long for Selina’s comfort, prompting her to extricate herself. Then he’d offered his help in whatever way she required, and Selina had relaxed.

  She’d barely recognized him after eighteen years. He was no longer the tall, skinny boy with the jet-black hair and onyx eyes. While he was still quite tall and his eyes and hair were still dark as pitch, he’d filled out into a handsome, athletic man. The crinkles around his mouth revealed that he must laugh as much as he’d done when they were children. He and Rafe had always been joking—a bright spot in their often harrowing lives working as thieves for Samuel Partridge.

  The familiar stab of loss cleaved into her chest, but she’d become accustomed to ignoring it—mostly. She hadn’t mentioned her brother to Luther and was g
lad he hadn’t brought him up either.

  “Luther said he’s pretending to run your home for wayward children.” She winked at Selina.

  “Yes, he’s doing me a great favor.” Now she just needed Sheffield to visit the “home” and confirm it was real. Or appeared real, anyway. Selina looked toward the shop window. It was most fortuitous that he was waiting outside. She’d planned to tell him about the home after “learning about it” in her meeting with Madame Sybila. Selina looked to Mrs. Kinnon. “Will you send a message to Luther posthaste and tell him we are on our way?”

  “Of course. I’ll send Joseph at once.” She took herself back through the curtain to direct the errand boy to accomplish the task.

  Confident that enough time had elapsed for Selina to have had an appointment with Madame Sybila after Lady Aylesbury, Selina walked out into the bright afternoon. It was a glorious spring day with blue sky and puffy white clouds. Even so, it wasn’t as pretty as the countryside. Selina doubted London ever could be. And yet there was a bustle and excitement to the city that she was surprised to find she enjoyed. Perhaps that was due to the way her mind never seemed to cease working.

  She’d barely walked twenty steps before Mr. Sheffield intercepted her. Stopping short, she feigned surprise. “Good afternoon, Mr. Sheffield. I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

  He took her hand and bestowed a kiss on the back of her glove. While it was more rapid than the one he’d delivered the other night, the result was the same—a frisson of anticipation raced up her arm. “Lady Gresham. I’m afraid I was impatient and decided to walk by in the event your inquiry for an appointment led to an actual meeting with Madame Sybila today. Were you able to see her?”

  “I was, in fact.”

  “You must have encountered my mother. She came out a while ago.”

  “I did not, but then I was busy making a purchase.” She held up the package. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to exchange pleasantries with her.”

  “It’s just as well.” He tipped his head to the side, his tawny eyes narrowing slightly. “Except, perhaps she would treat you as a confidante if she knew you were also seeing Madame Sybila.”